In elderly, we are apt to regret our pasts

At the age of 75 years, there are a lot of things in the past I should regret or scruple in the relationship with others. Sometimes, it makes me insomniac. Even though I know it is of little sense to recall the past things in that way, it still comes up in my mind. I sometimes wonder if it is a sign of elderly depression. Or is it the consciousness of sin in life? 

I could still eat, do daily routine and prepare for things in the future. It seems I don't need to consult to my wife yet. Maybe, it is a critical period for elderly which we should go through at some point of our lives. It is not advisible to do self-justification and deceive myself with it. There is no solution to such a problem. I believe I just accept it as it is and live the rest of my life with introspection after that.

In facebook, there was a thread regarding such a problem. I uttered something like this above mentioned. A comment has been given by an old friends of mine, David, N1EA, a professional radio operator on aboard, as follows;

"My only regret is that on my last sea voyage to Naha, Japan, I didn't try to visit one of the best Morse operators in the world: Dr. Onisawa."

To my mind worn out to the bone, this simple and still warm hearted comment was a real medicine. I was almost shedding tears at his comment. Even though he just told only his regret in his career or just a diplomatic comment for my skill on CW, his words have pnenetrated and warmed deep in my mind.

I think this feeling of scruple may make me more sensitive to the others' pain and let me appreciate deeper such a music as St. Matthew's Passion. And, hopefully, I would be like David who would send such encouraging words to the others even without aiming that. 

I only hope to catch David on the air someday and go on chatting as we did in the past, even though I know both of us are not able to operate radio at present. I thank you so much, David.

Crape Myrtle blooming

Crape myrtle has started blooming at the entrance gate of our home. In my view, it is a flower in late summer. Looking up about this tree, it seems to bloom from July to October. It may go on blooming until early fall from now.

I have cut the lawn in the garden yesterday. It was deadly hot. Feeling a bit nauseous possibly due to dehydration, I have had a blow of breeze on my back, making me feel comfotable for a second. 

For the coming month, we should undergo the cruel burning summer. Weeds may not grow so rapidly but it is still necessary for me to care for the garden/farm. Sitting in the garden/farm doing the work, I still recall of my father, who used to do the same thing for years. Quietly recalling of him while working in the garden/farm should be a commemorative ritual for him. As already written, I have not held any event for his 20th anniversary of passing this month. But this unceasing occasional remembrance in daily life should be a replacement for such a formal event.

Crustal movements and big earthquake/tsunami in our country

An interesting video movie by Geographical Survey Institute. It depicts the crustal movement in Japan continuously around the big earthquake in Eastern Japan in 2011.

 https://mekira.gsi.go.jp/movie/crustal_movement.mp4

The modern platetectonics tells two oceanic plates, Phillippine Sea and Pacific, are sliding below into the two continental plates, Eurasian and North American, and that movements are causing distorsion on and around our country. The distorsion could be freed as big earthquakes occuring here at regular interval. 

It is only a retrospective instropection but the crustal movements were predictive for the earthquake. Historically, it was known that there had been big earthquakes/tsunami in the Eastern Japan repeated in the interval of a few hundred years. 

The earthquake researchers had warned another big earthquake/tsunami. The power line companies with nuclear power plants were reluctant to accept the warning mainly from the economical burden. Only Japan Atomic Power Company took the warning seriously and, apart from the bureaucratic attitude of lining up in a line among the other power line companies, dealt with the weakness in cooling system of their nuclear power plant, Tokai Daini NPP, which later turnd out to be free from serious accident by the big earthquake in Eastern Japan.

It is amazing that the same power line companies and the administrative offices regulating them are hurrying up to rerun the other nuclear power plants all over our countries. They are far from taking out the debris from the crippled nuclear reactors in Fukushima. It has taken over 20 trillion JPY so far to proceed the decommissioning process of the reactors so far.

Twenty percent of big earthquakes in the world occurs in this small country. They won't care for that chasing only profit from nuclear power generation. People are cheated that nuclear power generation is cheap and is necessary for this country without any fossile fuel. Those propaganda are erroneous and are only to cheat them. 

Father's anniversary, Hilary Hahn with an arm nerve issue, Bach

 It's beeb a couple of weeks since I last updated this blog. Weeds are growing cruelly fast for now with much rain fall. It is still keeping me busy.

It was my father's 20th anniversary of passing on July 9th. I was aware of that but didn't do anything to commemorate the day. I still often remember how he looked on the bed in a hospital on the very last day of meeting when I had to leave for work. So worried and helpless. I iterated it in the past. I should have stayed with him. i could not help feeling bitter echo of regret. No sense to regret any longer, I know. But that feeling often unexpectedly hurt my heart. Caring for the garden/farm by myself, I often recall of him. Couldn't it be a way of mourning for him working that way as he used to do? 

My sister seemed to have held a commemorative meeting for father with her husband and their children. She has summarized father's bio in a brochure and sent it to me. 

I often listen to Bach's unaccompanied sonata and partita for violin played by Hilary Hahn. I have already written about her performance in the past. The best one for this great music. Impeccable technique and warmth in expression. I don't know how that "warmth" comes from. I still feel soothed as well as consoled whenever I listen to her playing this piece. With its profound structure, I feel as if wittenessed the universe creation but it still comes into the depth of emotion and appeases my mind. Hilary used to write in her blog that she started practising violin with one of this piece every day. Seems she loves this music so much. Her devotion to it might bring that appeasing emotion to the listener.

Last month, she announced she should cancel the recital trip to South America due to pinched nerve problem. She said it was doubl pinched nerve. I don't know what problem she has had. Maybe, compressed peripheral nervous system, possibly, median nerve at multiple points. As a violinist, it should be a serious issue. I hope good rest will get rid of the problem very soon. She has dedicated to the world of music so much. I wish her to continue her activity very soon. 

She often plays one of those enormous pieces as an encore.