I sometimes couldn't sleep well at night when I was young, possibly, 5 or 6 years old. My father used to read a book by Carl Hilty, a swiss philosopher. The title was "For Sleepless Nights". Of course, it was translated to Japanese. At that age, I might not be able to understand the content at all. He might read it for himself or wanted me to remember of that book when I grew up.
At this age, I often have insomnia again. It is due to aging. Maybe, a glass of beer I enjoy earlier in the evening might disturb sound sleep. Whatever the cause might be, I often stay up until this time in morning, that is, 3:30AM. Most quiet and dark before dawn. At this time in a day, imagination and contemplation wings its way. On the past, present and future. I wonder if I am going on in the right way.
I felt as if wrapped with my father's affection when he read that book. A peaceful and satisfying moment. When I was in teen age days, I sometimes criticized him in my mind that his love toward family was a kind of self-satisfying. I could not deny it completely. But he has loved us in his way. Or I would not recall of the scene he was reading "For Sleepless Nights" for me in this way.
I would look for that book and go on reading it for myself again.
It may be a natural event, the relationship changing between father and son as the son grows to manhood. Certainly, not for the same reasons, but most heading animals, where there is a senior male, when younger males come of age, the older male runs them off. I know, in my case, as I grew into my teenage years and developed my own individual thought process, that process was inherently directly opposite that of my father. Even in later, adult years, my father and I were so much alike that we could not get along well for extended periods. Two opposing opinions on virtually every topic. When my father passed on, some eighteen years ago, it dawned on my how important to me he really was and, like you, in retrospect, I realized how much he did, not only for me, but because of me. I wish that I had been mature enough to have realized that when he was alive and I could thanked him. He died 1,600 km from me and was gone in an instant.
ReplyDeleteThe relationship between a father and his son is so critical especially when the son is in teenage. I am feeling that with my son as well. It might be at my death when he could understand me. It is a sad fact but this must have been repeated through generations. It was 10th annyversary this year that my father had passed away. Maybe, if he was alive now, I might have a bit better communication with him. By the way, you could have sound sleep every day? No sleepless nights? Hilty has spent a successful life based on Christianity belief. It is a point that I feel a bit far from him. But this book sure sounds still attractive to me. Ii won't spend time pruposelessly listening the bands now.
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