Mother in law passed away

 Getting back home from her work a couple of days ago, my wife has come in my room with a pale face. She told me her mother had died at the facility  in the noon, where she had been cared for. Due to aspiration. She was 99 years of age and was going to be 100 very soon. It was not unexpected but still sad to us, especially, to my wife.

She has lived hard as a wife as well as a mother after WWII when it was not easy to live on. She had been working as a public servant at a local government office. My wife used to be taken there in her holiday duty and to spend the day playing around the office. I bet raising two daughters was the reasonfor her to live. Two of them have grown to be professionals. 

At age 60 years, she retired from work. It won't take her too long to become obliged to care for her mother who suffered from Alzheimer's disease. It was about the time, or a bit later than, when I visited their home for the first time to greet and tell to the parents that I would be engaged with my wife. In that visit, she has prepared for me a local dish of pressed sushi named Oshinuki Sushi featuring spanish mackerel. In the spring, I always remember of that visit and that dish.

In her 80s, she has developed signs of dementia as well. Both parents have decided to go into a caring facility close to the home of the sister in law. I am afraid mother in law has served her mother all day, including night, by herself for a long time, which could cause or, at least, prompt the beginning of the dementia. It has mercilessly progressed with her and she has been bed ridden for the last several years. Father in law had often been at the bed side until he passed last year. No one knows she has percieved his presence there. But most likelily, she must have.

I sure owe much to her and have done very little to her in return for that. I should have visited to her oftener while she was active. The chance is already lost. It might sound like self-justification but a generation may repeat the same thing the last generation. All I should do is to cherish life with my wife and our children. 

Mother in law has lived her life for the people around her. Her name, Ai, which stands for love in Japanese, may express it. She with her two daughters in young days. Sorry for the poor quality but the scanner is not working so only a photo of the original one.

A few old photos Sorting out old things

I am sorting out old mails/QSLs and discarding some of them. Most of the QSLs may be destined to be thrown into trashbox some time. They are meaningless to the others including my family membersw. Some of mine for rare DX have not been mailed and stored in a box. They would be discarded as well.

There are precious photos and letters found in that box. One of the photos is Steve WA6IVN and his family. When I came back on the radio in 1980, I ran across with Steve. We have met since '60s when we were crazy for DXing. I have known his father, Ray, WA6IVM, pretty well. From left to right, Karen;Steve's wife, Bob, Steve's 2nd son, Karen;Steve's mother and Steve himself. 

He seemed to rush his life then. It won't take me too long to know he had suffered from lymphoma since his young days. He has married twice and had 2 sons with his 2nd wife, Karen. In addition to ham radio, they have enjoyed a lot of outdoor life, especially, boating. 

In my first visit to the US early in '80s, I drove up to Manteca to see him and stayed at his home for a week end. It was a quiet suburb town. They had a modest size of lot with a big tower elected. TH6DX and a vertical for 40m were on the top. The radio was TS930 driving a Heath Kit amplifier. I was impressed at the paddle with very light and crisp touch. I can't recall its model name. I have never seen it before. That luxurious paddle has taught me ham radio started in the US and had a long history over there. They have brought me for sailing on a river nearby. 

As wrote elsewhere in this blog, he and his wife have come to see me at W6CYX in San Jose in 1984. Steve has sadly passed not too long since that meeting. So have his parents in several years.   

Memories including that of Steve those days, young days with enthusiasm in ham radio, have been depicted here.

The other photos are from Ron K5XK back in 1994. We have known each other since '80s. We had a mutual good friend, Stan, K5AS. We have talked about him a lot. Stan has cared for his wife with Alzheimer for years. Having lost her, he has suffered from diabetes, which forced him to undergo amputation of both legs. Even after he was confined to a mobile chair, he was quite active and has gone to a university to learn anthropology etc. We both were inspired by that great person. Stan has passed in 2010 if I remember it right, though. I have not met Ron too often for the last 20 years. But I knew he had been active at the local club as well as FOC. One of his sons have become an urologist and used to stay in Germany, I remember. Ron was very proud of him. We are still exchanging a word or two in facebook in a year. On the photo, he calls me as Sin, which I used to use for the handle until the late '80s. So it means Ron has been an old friend of mine.

Well, I am getting things arranged and sorted to discard. It is to prepare for the end of life even though I won't quit the world so soon yet. While losing good friends of mine for the past year or two, I could not help feeling I should do that for the family who should dispose of them. Until then, I would keep those important letters/photos in album etc. 

The next task is to find out someone who would take over the scores and parts of chamber music. I have collected almost all of the major kinds of scores, which I would make sound sometime. They have not been realized yet and won't be realized. Too sad if they would be disposed and burned. Even though the scores should be replaced to electrical ones very soon. The instrument? It might be owned by certain cellist for sure.    

Chicken with vegetables seasoned sweetsour

 My wife is in the last summer vacation in her life for several days at present. She still goes to her office to make summaries of the patients. It is necessary to introduce the patients to other doctors. 

Last night, when she came home, she uttered she would go on working for them. Half joking but still half serious. Summarizing a patinet's long history, mostly over 10 years or even longer than 20 years, she said, she sometimes realized what was the point for him/her and knew what was the better treatment for the case. 

When I closed my business and turned it over to another pediatrician, I summed up the course of some patients, mostly of allergy or of asthma, in the record of chart. It was much simpler and shorter summaries than that of psychiatric histories. But I still found something important overlooked for the patients in that process. 

It is up to her. But her age is a kind of critical point when she could not carry on her work. I felt she might be reading the chart of each patient in the same kind of deep emotion as Albrecht Goes described in his novel "Unruhige Nacht", which a militry service chaplain was going to attend the execution of death penalty for a deserted soldier in Ukraine during WWII. He was trying to read through the young soldier's life history in a night. I have introduced this touching novel in another post of this blog before. Of course, it is not the world of fiction that my wife's patients have lived. The process to grasp each one's life is still comparable to that novel. 

She could have spent time to reflect how to deal with each case from time to time. But her usual work burden has been too hard for her, I guess. It is still good for her as well as for the patients that she could look back their histories and summarize them at this point of her life.

Coming home much earlier than usual, she has helped me cooking dinner last night. It was chicken and vegetables seasoned with sweetened vinegar. The potatoes were those harvested early in the summer. 

When I told her I was glad to have a helper to cook meals and she might take the duty over from me, she instantly said "Let's go in half and half".

Still being in her summer vacation, she has left home for further summarizing work.

  

Obon and a good friend of mine

It is the season of Obon, one of the most popular Bhuddist events in our country, when we are supposed to welcome the souls of the family members to home already passed away. A lot of people are coming back to mother town. The traffic is terribly crowded. 

As this season sets in, the weather is often ushered by very early sign of fall. Or I should say it used to be. The global warming changes such subtle sign. It is still fiercely hot in the daytime. However, in the shades, there is gentle cooler breeze coming through. 

Yesterday afternoon, pulling the weeds in the front yard, I remembered of those friends who have already passed away. Jim K9JWV was one of them in my memory. I had often met on 40m in our early evening until it ended with his death probably 6 years ago. He was teaching at a college some subject which I could not recall or even never asked him about. He was running QRP, possibly 10W, into a full sized quarter wave vertical. It has put out incredibly loud signal from the West Coast into Japan. It always excited me a lot while he also enjoyed such a QSO so much. We sure shared the pleasant history of amateur ham radio when it was shining with such a small set ip. It might be due to the grey line path but his vertical, I used to use the same antenna in '60s, was dedicating to his great signal for sure.

One time, he told me he had had lung cancer. Not too long before he also told me the cancer invaded spine. He was hopeful for the effect of a new drug, possibly, an immune check point inhibitor. In a few months, a sad news from him followed, which told it was of no use to him and he was going into a hospice soon. It meant he won't be on the radio any longer. He told it would be only a couple of months until he finished his journey in the world.

It was quite tough for me to say something to him in that situation. For a person confronting to death, any words of ordinary encouragement is meaningless. Wondering if it is courteous or not, I told him to listen to St. Matthews Passion by JS Bach if he was interested in classical music. As already written somewhere in this blog, Toru Takemitsu, a famous composer, used to listen to it and praised it as a stunning work a day or two before he passed away. I have believed it was a music which could go side by side with us in such a situation.

He has simply answered he would look for a source of that Passion. 

It was the last correspondence with him. No further news from him. I often wondered how he had lived thereafter.

Our lives are journey with an end but never last too long. In youth, it was a dreadful truth. But I feel, getting older, it is becoming a kind of relief to me, even though I might still get scary at the reality. 

The breeze coming through this magnolia tree has made me recall of such an old friend as Jim.

  

A frightening outlook pumpkin and well ripe apples

This is a photo of the pumpkin harvested today. With the trnsverse and vertical incision like cut. Frightening outlook. I am not sure what has caused it but it is most likely due to drought and high temperature. Pumpkins have fewer female flowers this summer than ever. The hot weather must be responsible for that. I have never experienced with such bizarre cut on the surface of a pumpkin. This must be related with record high temerature for sure. 

They say oranges ripen much less than usual in the US etc. This heat wave we have never experienced in the history may bring crop failure, at least for some kinds of crops and/or vegetables this year.

Good news is that some apples are harvested. A few were fallen on the ground. Some injuries due to bites by insects/birds on the surface. Some have started being decayed. But they sure tasted sweet. They have been ripened on the tree and could not be bad tasted.

In Okinawa, a big typhoon has hang around and has left quite big damages there. The power has been off for a day or two. It must be quite tough for them to go without air conditioner at this time in a year. The government should have prepared for such a disaster there and also on the main island, not spending too much budget for military expansion. As global warming still progresses, there could be such a disaster much bigger at higher frequency, I am afraid.  

 

Pork with egg plant Ein Deutsches Requiem

Egg plants are finally growing ripe. Six fruits were harvested and cooked with pork, green pepper and potato. Seasoned with miso and so forth. Egg plant goes well with miso. My mother used to cook it with miso even though not quite the same recipe as this one. 

Tomatoes are also ripened one after another. It is impossible for us to have all of them for our meal. We are giving some of them to friends of ours. Sweet potatoes' and okra plants are growing well at a few farm ridges. It will be the time for me to prepare to grow seedling of fall/winter vegetables very soon. I would fertilize the farm ground with small amount of rice bran for fall potatoes very soon. I would try leafy vegetables again. It is not very difficult to grow fall/winter vegetables because of less activities of insects by Oct.

Since I have lost a few good friends in a short time recently, I am inclined to be captured with a vague sense of impermanence. Everything, especially lives, are easily evanesce no matter how much we may love them. Everything is like grass withering soon. This attitude toward life should be quite common in our age. I won't regret or mourn for that. Just a bit of sorrow but accepting it as it is. 

Brahms has composed his only requiem, "Ein Deutsces Requiem", when he lost Robert Schumann and his mother. It is a music to comfort our loss in the world. The words quoted from the Gospel of Matthews in the beginning typically express that object of this music. 

Even though it was not intended to be performed as a ritual music, I just wonder why Brahms has avoided the story of crucification and ressurection of Jesus in this requiem. I believe it is the core idea in Christianity. They say he has intentionally keep away from it when composing this piece.

Anyway, the phrase in the beginning helps us to be free from sorrow and anxiety;

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted"

 At my age, I feel I could understand more what this message tells us.