While my memory of her is getting less vivid for this past 3 years, it is becoming that of bird eye's view for me. That is, I recall her life as a whole in the ages she has lived in. Young days in the pre war age and during the war. Raising the family with our father in the post war age. Suffering from Alzheimers in her last several years. She has been indirectly killed by the earth quake. Studying the history around the war, I realized what a tough age she had spent. I am proud she has lived her life with all her might and affection toward the others. It was a life hard to live but still rewarded in the end.
Since I am getting older now, I am apt to overlap her life to mine. I could imagine what she thought and how she felt for things at my age. I am often stunned at how fast time is going by. She might be feeling that way. Life is like a breath. I should be ready how to spend the rest of my life. In her latest years, becoming like a child, she still has loved the family and smiled at them all the time until the very last moment of her life while she has not hesitated expressing her anxiety or worries. I don't know if I would have a chance to see her again when I pass away. But, if I could, I would tell her I have spent the last years of my life as she had done.
The house my parents used to live is ornamented by flowers in the shade of the zelkova tree as if they were living there. In a few days, my brother and his wife will visit here to renew our memories of our mother.
Shin,
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss and I can sympathize with your post. 14 May will be two years that my Mom passed away. I can still hear her words vividly in my ears, in certain situations. I miss her every day.
73 de Larry W2LJ
Larry,
DeleteThanks for the warm words. I feel I am getting closer to my mother as time goes by. I am going the same way as she and my father used to. I would tell them I have gone on in the same way if I am allowed to see them again.
Shin
Your comments, thoughts and observations about aging and life always succeed in ringing a bell for me. You, as well as Larry, have both expressed in wonderful ways the value that has been brought to your life through time spent with your mother. Perhaps a natural forming relationship, but sons have always become close with their mothers while daughters connect with their fathers. I surely regret that I did not find time to be closer to my mother and father when they were alive. I left to join the Navy at 19 years old and never lived near them again. You have caused me to resurrect my thoughts and memories. My only brother passed in 1980. My mother passed in February, 1991. My father joined both of them in July, 1996. That are all buried next to each other in a small town in Kansas. It is time for me to visit that site and applaud their life and thank them for mine.
ReplyDeleteI believe, after we die, our souls are in everwhere but not in the grave. But it might sometimes be good for you to visit them in Kansas. I gradually get a sketch on how you have lived there, Don.
DeleteShin,
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you on this anniversary occasion. There is a big difference between a person's gradually decline and death and a person's unexpected sudden death. There is time to adjust to the realities of death with the former and a shocking adjustment when it is a close friend who passes suddenly and unexpectedly. This has happened to me last week. But both situations cause us to reflect on how we are spending our limited time on this planet, and hopefully to make some life changes so we spend our remaining days in the best possible ways, especially helping others to have a better life.
Sincerely, Dennis W0JX
Dennis,
DeleteWhen some family member dies in a long course, it might, partially, be for the rest of the family members, We could get ready for the event. Our parents, especially, our mother has lived the last years for us. When someone dies all of sudden, we could not get prepared for his/her passing away. As you say, each case gives us a chance to consider how to live ourselves. I am sorry you have lost your colleague recently. Thanks for the nice chat this morning.
Shin