It was the 3rd anniversary of my mother's death yesterday.
While my memory of her is getting less vivid for this past 3 years, it is becoming that of bird eye's view for me. That is, I recall her life as a whole in the ages she has lived in. Young days in the pre war age and during the war. Raising the family with our father in the post war age. Suffering from Alzheimers in her last several years. She has been indirectly killed by the earth quake. Studying the history around the war, I realized what a tough age she had spent. I am proud she has lived her life with all her might and affection toward the others. It was a life hard to live but still rewarded in the end.
Since I am getting older now, I am apt to overlap her life to mine. I could imagine what she thought and how she felt for things at my age. I am often stunned at how fast time is going by. She might be feeling that way. Life is like a breath. I should be ready how to spend the rest of my life. In her latest years, becoming like a child, she still has loved the family and smiled at them all the time until the very last moment of her life while she has not hesitated expressing her anxiety or worries. I don't know if I would have a chance to see her again when I pass away. But, if I could, I would tell her I have spent the last years of my life as she had done.
The house my parents used to live is ornamented by flowers in the shade of the zelkova tree as if they were living there. In a few days, my brother and his wife will visit here to renew our memories of our mother.