Poem by Chausson in chamber music version

For the last music this year, I have listened to this piece. Poem by Chausson. Hadelich, the violin solo, plays it with piano quartet. This is often performed with an orchestra. This chamber music version is provided by Chausson himself but is much less often performed. So far, I have never heard this version before. As Hadelich says, this version makes the solo stand out compared with the orchestrated one. We could hear detailed and fine move of the solo. It sounds to take us to an inner world. Real concentration.   

In med school days, in Tokyo early in spring, I have walked miles with a friend in the university orchestra without being conscious of that distance. Talked a lot of favorite music. Brahms, Beethoven or Bach. She has mentioned of this piece, which I had never heard of before. Later, in the CD my daughter's violin teacher gave to her when she left the class, it contained this this piece played by a genius violinist, Ginette Neveu. It was an impressive rendition to me. However, this chamber music version still sounds much more than that.

Writing down of this tiny story of memory, I realize I am always going around that old days. In the last chapter of my life journey, I could as well as would be free from every relationship or any sense of value in the world. Being indulged in old memories, I feel I could accomplish that. Life is like a circle. Whenever we listen to such a moving performance as this, we return to the days when we were aware of our life. Listening to this delicately beautiful tune, unbearably beautiful, I was thinking of such a thing. 

Well, A Happy New Year to you in an hour advance!

My mother's 109th heavenly birthday

My brother gave me an email early yesterday morning. He told me it was our mother's 109th heavenly birthday yesterday. I was aware of her birthday but never thought of the 109th.

He told me he used to present her a diary for birthday every year. Her diaries he still held says how she has spent her last years over here. When it became difficult for us to care for her in Alzheimer's disease and we were taking her into a nursing facility, brother wanted to care for her by himself and his wife in Sendai city. It was in April 2006 when she departed her last trip where she spent a few years with them and later at a nursing facility there until her death in 2011.

Before her move there, my brother and his wife used to visit here once a couple of weeks and cared for mother during the week end. So devoted to our parents, especially to our mother, he didn't care for that regular trip here. Our sister also came to see her at the same interval when brother and his wife won't come here. 

In the repley to brother, I wondered if I could do more for mother. A question often comes up in mind with bitter emotion. I know I should have done more for her and should have made efforts to have her stay at this place, where she started bringing up the family with our father decades ago. 

My brother replied to me her diaries had told what a joy it was for her to do with her grand children and us and to live here. I still remember, when I brought simple breakfast, sitting at the table in the dining kitchen early in the morning, she used to pray quietly alone or to practise writing down chinese characters. She might be vaguely aware of suffering from Alzheimer or at least of forgetfulness in life. She might want to preserve her ability to write them.

Brother told me once she brought the steamed vegetable to him staying with her in a week end and told him to try that dish. She told him it was the breakfast I cooked for her. With shining smile on her face, as brother said.  

This story won't erase my bitter memory not having done what I could for her. But I was happy to know she had spent her last years in this way. It was also moving me a bit that brother had shared this memory with me possibly in order to alleviate my bitter thought about care for my mother. 

She used to utter, when she knew of her friend or relative passing away, she/he was now free from anxiety in the world and in eternal relief. She has lived her last years of life in that way. Suffering from Alzeimer's disease and being gradually deprived abilities of herself, she has accepted everything as it was without complaining of anything. It was a precious lesson she left to us. That is why we family members still miss her so much.  

It has been so cold since yesterday. Yet no snow. She might be named after snowy weather. Her name, Yukie, stood for snowed branch in Japanese. It might be snowy at this time in a year when she was born 109 years ago.

Potatoes with bacon

Still often cooking dinner by myself. Home grown potatoes were fried with bacon. Seasoned with consome and a bit of salt. Simple and delicious.

I was intending to consume potatoes harvested this fall. Boxes of them are in the shedding. 

This year it has been too warm in the beginning of fall. Planted in September as usual, potatoes have grown slowly if not. I was worrying they could be decayed in the ground with the high grouond temperature. Most of them, however, have caught up and have cropped quite good number of fruits. Of course, it was a symptom of global warming, I am afraid. Actually, in the internet, some professional farmers especially in the western area, hotter than here, have complained of that. Generally, it is possible for farmers to do with cold weather but not easy to manage the heat wave. They say they would plant potatoes in the next fall season a couple of weeks later than this year. It is a gamble. Winter often comes in at the same time as usual even if summer lasts longer. Then potatoes would not mature enough then.

Again, I am feeling blessed with farming and with good health enough to do that. I may plant the potatoes harvested this fall in March next year. They may bear a lot of fruits. I would give them to friends and/or family members next year. It will be a kind of sharing a gift from the nature with them. 

In the end of 2023

It was surprisingly cold outside when I got out for an errand. It has been frosty almost every morning here. We seem to be finally in the mid winter for now. It is the time for me to reflect what has happened to me this year and to tell what I would expect in the coming year. To every friend of mine, I have been sending a greeting mail for that purpose at this time in a year in the past. I was wondering if I should curtail it because it seemed to fall into a mannerism. But I still believe it's worth doing that at least through a post like this on this blog, testifying I am still here full of gratitude to them.

There have been the wars occuring as well as continuing in Ukraine and in Israerl/Gaza. They are heart breaking tragedies to me as to most of you. A lot of people are victimized and we are left unable to do anything for them. It is as if the idea for pacifism were ridiculed. I still believe the steady stream of pacifism established in 19th century as the Peace Society, has been inherited by the Treaty of Renunciation of the War, the League of Nations followed by the United Nations. In constitutions of several countries including Japan at present, resorting to military forces is determinately excluded. Of course, there could be dictators or populists who would start wars to another country. I believe, however, the steps toward pacifism won't be stopped as a whole. I would do whatever I could for the people in war and against the social system which prones expansion of armaments.

In the warmer seasons throughout this year, I have spent a lot of time in the garden and the small farm. We are celebrated with much harvest of vegetables this year again. It turned out a bit difficult for me to get enough crops for ourselves. Despite successful harvest of pumpkins, some of them became less tasty or even started being decayed in a couple of months. Some vegetables got matured at the same time. I should devise or look for the way how to preserve them as fresh as possible for some time. I should not have been too reluctant to send the crops to friends or family members. Natural farming with use of compost but not fertilizers was often successful but not so in some cases. More experiences are needed. Anyway, as always told, I could not be happier to work in the small lot of farm at home. I would carry it on so far as my health permits.

It was a really big event for us that my wife had closed her office and put an end to her career. It was much easier for us to start own business by ourselves than to close them down because we were so young and hopeful for the future in the beginning. Taking advantage of this move, we started to sort out things unnecessary at home and discard them. There have been so many papers, books, mattresses, tablewares and so forth asleep deep in the sheds outdoor or the storage room indoor. They all are the remnants of our life for the past decades. This is a kind of the activities for the end of our lives as well. The closing of my wife's work will officially have been finished by next March. What a big and time consuming task!

I have been asked when I would come back on the radio by a few friends. Unfortunately, my answer has been "Not yet". The longer it passed since I quit it, the less passinate I feel for that hobby. I have lost a couple of old friends in the US whom I had known through this hobby. As already written in this blog, one was Bill Ewing, K1YT, who died of interstitial pneumonia in the spring. I have visited him in Stow in early 90s. We have corresponded each other at least once a few months and have discussed about a lot of things even without meeting on the air. One of the most intelligent and friendly friends of mine. The other person is Bob Warmke, W6CYX, who has fought against a cancer and has deceased this fall. We have had more QSOs on our beloving mode more than 1200 times since '60s. A lot of discussions on politics, economics and other topics. He was a tough disputant. I have always enjoyed his coherent views even if I have not agreed with all of them. I have had chances to visit him for 3 times, most recently, together with my wife in 2012. A kind and warm hearted person. Even though it is inevitable for us to lose such close friends, it might be another reason why I have not felt so fascinated with this hobby any longer. The tower and the antenna are as they used to be in the yard, even though the antenna needs a bit of repair. There are the radio and keyer in front of me. I may start with them with smaller power sometime in the future when I would come back.    

As for music, I have totally become a listner. My poor cello has been lying on the floor in the case. I used to be kinda obsessive-compulsive to practise it. As I wrote in the past, I got an arm issue on both sides with too strenuous exercise and gave it up. It was good for me to leave practising it too much. Now I could enjoy listening to music, preferably keyboard ones. I might have written the same thing but still admire the last 3 sonatas for piano by Beethoven. What emotional and almost religious world! Faure's chamber music is also a cure for me. I have loved them ever since I first listened to in my school days. Faure used to tell the role of music is to uplift our mind, which I could not agree more. Brahms, Bach and sometimes(!) Mahler etc are composers who I love. When I listen to some cellist playing the unaccompanied suite by Bach, I feel inclined to start practising them again. Maybe, some time, asking my arms if they could.

This is one of my favorite performances of g minor piano quartet by Faure, which I recently found in Youtube. As I wrote before, I have played the 1st and the 3rd movement with good company in my school days. A sweet memory. 

What an endless talking on myself! I should stop it. I always thank to everyone visiting this blog. So far, I might go it on. Leave a comment if you want. Don't forget putting your name or ID with which I could recognize you. Thanks in advance. I wish you all the Best Holiday Season and good health in the upcoming New Year. 

PS; Rereading this post myself, I found so many misspellings and typos. I have corrected them now. I forgot to mention I had lived longer than the healthy life span for men in our country, that is, 73 years of age. I must confess I am feeling aches or forgetfulness etc associated with aging for the past year. It is not unavoidable as you know. Accepting it as it is, I would try to keep myself as active and young as possible. We should never be captured by the thought of aging but should live it as it is. When seeing it as an objective subject, it may mean we overcome aging in heart. 

Hadelich playing Bach

Bach's Sonatas and Partitas for violin solo have been my favorite since my school days. Often I listened to them for a long time not being tired of that. That solo violin could express the universe as well as the deepest aspect of our mind. It was stunning to me. I believe it was Henryk Szeryng who played the source for me those days. A real virtuoso. Later, I was fascinated by Hilary Hahn, who sounded a great Bach player as well. She used to write in her site that she always started with one of those Bach's works in her daily practise session. 

This violinist, Augustan Hadelich, playing Bach could not help becharming me. What warm hearted and profound Bach we could hear from his performance. Hadelich himself tells in the caption that Bach is special to him. 

Here.

 https://www.facebook.com/Augustin.Hadelich.Fans/videos/351782830630560

If you could not listen to this video, visit his site. You may find a few other pieces from Bach's Sonatas and Partitas.

Here.

https://augustinhadelich.com/en/videos

The caption of his discography for Bach's Sonatas and Partitas say as follows;

“Recording Bach’s complete Six Sonatas and Partitas has long been a dream of mine,” says Augustin Hadelich “They are formidable tests of technical ability and stamina, but also of musical imagination and expressive range – they never cease to provide challenges, hope, and joy.” For his interpretation, sensitive to historical practice, Hadelich chose to use a baroque bow. “It was a revelation,” he says. “It felt liberating … Passages of three- and four-note chords felt more fluid … The dance movements danced more and the slow movements sang more.”

The video first quoted in this post seems to show he was using a modern bow. It is still intriguing how he constructed the world of Bach's polyphony using a baroque bow.

"How Not to Study a Disease The Story of Alzheimer's" by Karl Herrup

Recently, I have finished reading a book titled "How Not to Study a Disease The Story of Alzheimer's" by Karl Herrup, the professor in Neurobiology at Pittsburgh University. A traslated version into Japanese. Since the end of last century, he seems to have been involved in research of Alzheimer's disease;abbreviated as AD. A well known neurologist has introduced this book as a work overturning our common sense in AD. AD is not only an interesting subject in medical science but also a topic for myself in the age group favorably affected by AD. At age 85 years, one out of 3 persons could be affected by this malicious illness.

He emphasizes two point. First, the research has been occupied by a dogma of beta amyloid cascade. Historically, this disease was found as a type of early onset dementia pathologically featured with plaque in brain. The plaque was revealed later to be beta amyloid with neurofibrillary tangle. This pathological findings have been regarded as the basic pathogenesis of this disease. That has often excluded the other hypotheses of etiology. Beta amyloid accumulation in brain is found some 30% of intellectually normal elderly whilt 15% of AD won't show its accumulation compared with the age matched control. Both in human and animal models, antibody against beta amyloid could successfully get rid of beta amyloid. In human study, the symptoms have not been improved with that treatment whild it has caused fatal complications. 

There have been the non beta amyloid hypotheses investigated which could co exist the beta amyloid cascade hypothesis. Such as brain chronic inflammation, cholesterol metabolism abnormality related with APOE protein, abnormal myelin sheath, lysosomal dysfunction, mithochodrial dysfunction resulting oxygenation damage and so forth. The mainstream in research has firmly based on the beta amyloid cascade theory and has not valued the other hypotheses even though the latter should have been seriously considered.

The other point the author emphasized is the problem of the research fund. It is handled by National Institute of Aging, NIA, which is rather new division of medical science institute in the US and the top of NIA used to try to get more funds advertizing AD was a disease of the people. It was successful and enabled NIA collect much more funds in behalf of AD research. But their advertisement was based on the beta amyloid cascade hypothesis and the definition of the disease was too broad and ambiguous. It has caused, as the authoer says, further confusion. 

The author's view is that the etiology of AD is closely related with aging process itself. Hyperalimentation with too much glucose intake causes oxygenation in mithochondria through TCA cycle. That oxygenation is closely related with aging. As we get older, there is more unrepairable DNA accumulated, which, in brain, activates microglia in brain and results in chronic inflammation. It is another phenomenon of aging maybe related with AD. 

The author's hypothesis of AD's etiology is dysfunction of the combination composed of neuron, astrocyte, oligodendrocyte, microglia and vessel. This 5 cellular and vascular structure work in combination. When each of them deteriorates, it could cause the dysfunction of the network system. Honestly, this hypothesis was a bit difficult for me to understand. It seemed still premature as a definite etiological hypothesis of AD. Even to me, the etiology research seemed not making much progress since finding of beta amyloid as well as genes responsible for familiar AD. The author's view against binding only to the dogma of beta amyloid seems to be on the right point. I surely hope they would carry on investigation without prejudice or biases. Since AD seems closely related with aging, it may not be easy to understand the whole phenomenon but, as the authoer emphasizes, the other treatments other than beta amyloid related ones could and should be tried even without understanding it. 

 

Frosty garden farm

Early this morning, I went out to pick up lettuce in the small garden farm for fresh salad. Stepping on the frosty ground toward there, I had an unpleasant expectation. So it was what I expected.  

Poor lettuce was almost frozen. Especially the outer leaves were covered with frost without exception. I did not know it had been so frosty around that time in a day. I have given it up. Later, in the day time when sun was warmly shining, these lettuce has revived and was served for a material of salad for dinner.

I knew lettuce was pretty strong against this cold weather. There could be other kinds of vegetables which are prone to be damaged. I would cover them with dome of non woven fabric.  

I have almost finished planting several dozens of onion seedlings in another farms. Some of them are too small. I have used vinyl mulch for them. Grass mulching was also applied to some of them. So far, they are surviving this cold weather. 

No wonder it could be this cold because the winter solstice is ready to come in 3 weeks. Everything including human beings should hibernate for 2 or 3 months.

It is the time for me to devote myself to reading and listening to music. For the past several years, I have been sending a greeting mail to friends in this season of a year. Wondering if I should carry it on or not. Downsizing my own life. 

Jacqueline du Pres and Elgar's cello concerto

Jacqueline du Pres is one of the most renowned cellists. She is often remembered together with Elgar's cello concerto.

Here is her performance of that piece with Philharmonia Orchestra conducted by her husband at that time, Daniel Barenboim, recorded in 1970. 

https://andantemoderato.com/elgar-cello-concerto-du-pre-barenboim/?fbclid=IwAR36Kskj1dCDaAtqQ651otiSa96wptGZ41Q_gYeUWLW8GwDQHwKMqvbcaAo

As introduced in the article, this concerto is tinted with deep melancholy probably due to the tragic war just before it was composed. Du Pres was in the height of happiness since she had married with Barenboim a few years prior to this performance. She sometimes smiled gently at him on the podium while playing this piece. That sure makes us feel heartbroken considering of her tragic future in a year. She has developed symptoms of multiple sclerosis then, which ultimately urged her to retire in 4 years from this rendition and killed her at age of 42.

Her performance is quite emotional. Listen to the beginning phrase in Adagio with deep portamento on C string. This emotion in her performance goes throughout this piece. I was overwhelmed her expression when I listened to this performance in my med school days. How could such a girl play cello in that way! It was in mid '70s and when she has started struggling with multiple sclerosis. I did not know of her struggle those days at all. In 1987, I still remember hearing of the news on her death in mass media. It took me, however, years to understand what life she had spent. She is an unforgettable cellist for me.

This concerto is melancholic in dual meaning to me and to most her fans.

A big tree would go away today

As previously shown, there has been a Japanese Judas tree on the western side of the garden next to a neighbor. It has not been planted by us but has grown spontaneously since we built this house. So it is over 40 years old. It has grown a lot of branches with plenty leaves. It looked magnificient in summer like this photo taken several years ago. The leaves turned golden yellow in fall.

We were afraid it could fall on the ground with high wind and could damage the neighbor's home. We asked a gardener to cut the main branches and reduce its size. In a few years, it has recovered its beautiful outlook. I was worrying of an accident with the tree again. 

I have asked the same gardener to cut it at the base. He asked me if the leaves were all fallen? I wondered if they would have been obstacles to cut it. He answered no but we should enjoy its last appearance with beautiful leaves. I noticed I have not been careful about it and, by this time, all leaves were fallen. I was moved with his love for the tree. Leaves turning yellow is a gift to us in his view. This is the photo of the tree taken this morning.

In close up view, the skin of the tree is desquamated. At first, I thought it had been a sign of aging but the gardener told me it was a sign of metabolism for growth. Honestly, I felt a bit guilty at my decision to cut it even it was still actively growing. It should have grown at the center of the garden and could have grown up 20 or 30meters! 

Miscellaneous photos.

A persimmon tree at the south eastern corner of the garden. Full of the fruits. Is it because our cat is making regular patrol everyday that crows won't come to enjoy them yet?

 

A magnolia tree looks colorful. It has undergone lopping off big big branches earlier this spring. It could have been much gorgeous with colorful leaves. Next spring it may grow much bigger and bear a lot of white flowers. 

Azarea at the entrance. Beautifully reddened. 

Looking around the garden, I feel we have grown up together with these trees. At age 40 or 50 years, all of sudden, I became feel closer to those trees. Actually, they looked like family members to me. When my parents have moved here almost at the same time as we did, my father used to care for trees earnestly. At first, I gazed at him working with them. In several years, I found myself to have become a tree lover as well. It might be a heritage or could be a sign of aging. When we feel losing the capability as a living being, we might feel closer to and fond of such trees living long.

 

Tempura again

Tempura again a couple of weeks ago. The left dish was oyster while the right was pumpkin and sweet potato.

One of the purposes of this menu was to consume pumpkin. Dozens of them were harvested a month or two ago. Some of them were given to a friend of mine. But still a lot of them were left and seemingly are going to be decayed before being cooked. I should have sent some to my relatives etc. But it could be, I am afraid, unwelcome favor to them. I hesitated sending them to nephew/niece living in Tokyo. Next summer, I should downsize the farming of pumpkin. 

Sweetpotato could last long, possibly, until next spring. Some of them could be parent fruits next spring. I have found a cooking way to steam them in an electrical jar. It seems important to cook them gradually from the room temp to the high. It is to help changing the starch to maltose. This could be cooked as a material for miso soup as well. A useful and delicious vegetable. 

 

 

Autumn potatoes were harvested yesterday. Pretty good amount. It will be stored in the house and will be cooked little by little.

Oysters were a bit too small but tasted good. Maybe, bigger ones will be available soon. I would try frying them then.

I am still busy planting seedles of onions. Otherwise, the farm is getting quiet.

The 45th anniversary

Shyly, I would tell that it would be our 45th anniversary of marriage tomorrow. It is still like yesterday when we stood at the entrance of the tiny resident dormitory house 45 years ago. Everything was for us. Having learned a lot of things in life and as a doctor, we have spent the years. I still owe much to my wife for her dedication to the family and myself while I still feel ashamed not having carrying out my responsibility as a husband and a father. 

This year, her father has passed away. All of my parents have gone for now. It will be our turn for the next, I should say. Now she has finished her career as a psychiatrist. It is the time for us to enjoy retirement at home now. We never know how long this Indian summer days last for us. Cherishing every moment but not worrying for the future is most important for us. 

Again, here is the poem by Browning. Its truthfullness is compelling even more to me. I would spend the time left for us with this idea. 

  Grow Old

Grow old along with me!

The best is yet to be,

The last of life, for which the first was made:

Our times are in His hand

Who saith 'A whole I planned,

Youth shows but half; trust God: see all nor be afraid!

I would get a cake to celebrate today. And a dish of salad. The main dish will be the beef and potatoes already served last night!

Always the same photo of my wife taken 45 years ago. She is still this image even now. Even with a bit more grey thing on head, she remains as this in my consciousness.

Taking a piece of cookie could be hazardous

When was it that I became feeling hunger oftener in 2 or 3 hours after meal than before? Maybe, in 50 or 60 years of age. I could not help guessing it is a kind of aging. Blood glucose level should be high enough then. It might be due to insulin resistance even though I have not taken the blood test yet.

Insulin resistance causes low sugar level within each cell. If it is in the hunger center of brain, we might feel of hunger, even if high blood sugar is maintained.

Recently, I have learned that such high blood sugar causes glycolysis in certain cells, which result in more oxygenation through glycolysis cycle. This process might be related with aging itself. Recent studies seem to indicate it could be a process of Alzheimer's disease as well. Of course, this disease could never be explained only by that abnormal sugar metabolism.

If we try to normalize the process, we should cut the total caloric intake by 30%; too much weight reduction couls affect immunity or the other functions of body. It should be done cautiously based on BMI etc, I believe. Body weight reduction is quite hard in daily routine for us. Cutting caloric intake as much as possible, exsercising may reduce insulin resistance as the text book of diabetes says. Aging process itself is diabetogenic and we should be careful not to get it. 

This is a memorandum for myself. We could never avoid aging but could slow it upcoming. Taking a piece of cookie may be hazardous to us. I know if I put up with hunger for a while, it may disappear soon and I could wait for the meal. Diabetes or Alzheimer's disease is too common in elderly. I should keep it in mind. 

It is a fun for me to learn news regarding such subject as aging which I am experiencing myself at present. Never stop learning until I die.

Two guys unforgettable with their kindness

Before I forget it, I would write this small but heartwarming episode.

When the aftermath of the nuclear power plant accident was still here and the radioactive substance contamination could spread much more, we were informed

less than we needed about what went on. The US military was going to announce that the US citizens should evacuate farther than 50 miles of radius from the nuclear plants. It was withdrawn soon, though, possibly due to political reasons. They said there had been no such contamination going in the area. But the devastated power plants could have fallen down or could have lost cooling water very easily. The embassy personnels of certain western countries were once told to evacuate to the Western Japan away from the devastated nuclear plants. Being only about 80 miles south west of the nuclear plants, I was feeling that the basics of my life was being collapsed every day.

In such a situation, a ham radio friend, Dave W0FBI has told me he and his wife were ready to visit our country and to help us. He was a retired physician having served in the US army for a long time and was in Japan for 4 years. He seemed quite serious with that proposal. Even though it has not come true, his words was one of the most touching and encouraging proposals those days. Unforatunately, he went silent key due to lymphoma in a couple of years.

Here.

The other person whom I could never forget was Doug ZP6CW. He has been a great CW operator and has been very active on the air. I used to see him often on 15m in our morning hours. The path to Paraguay was always open there even in the bottom of the sun spot cycle. When this place was threatened with contamination by fallout soon after the accident, he abruptly told me to come to Paraguay. His unexpected words of invitation has surprised me a lot. Honestly, it sounded like a kidding to me at first. He was, however, quite serious with that proposal. Of course, I could not leave here throwing all my responsibilities and life itself then. But his seriousness was still unforgettable in my memory. 

In the other post regarding "old QSLs", there was his card in the photo. David N1EA has reminded me of Doug as a superb CW operator. He used to activate a lot of countries shown in the news of his passing from QCWA quoted below. It also reminded me of his kind words in 2011.

Here

So this is the story of two guys whom I could never forget. Through ham radio, I have run across with a lot of people, remarkable as well as respectable with their kindness and personality. These two guys belong to the best people among those in my memory.

Again death and life goes side by side

One day, I was curious to know how Yoshino cherry trees, the most common species in cherry trees, could live long while they are all single clone plants developed in the end of Edo era. Any biological species of single clone could live only for the same life span and may die at the same time. They seem to live long enough so far. Maybe, decades of years or even longer.

In searching the life span of cherry trees, I have learned that trees are living death and life at the same time. In the main trunk of a tree, the central portion is continuously dying while the outer layer is in neogenesis. Two phases of living go side by side. Death may overwhelm life in decades or centuries, that is, the total death of the individual being. It would be the end of the individual tree life.

At first, it seemed to me that it was different from animals including human beings.  As for human beings, under the consciousness, it seemed our life is integrated into living being. It seemed to be no such dual life system in our body as trees.

Several days ago, however, it has dawned on me that our body udergoes continuous change from life to death in microscopic level. The skin or the GI tract epithelium is undergoing continuous dying while new epithelium is covering the dead tissue. Most human tissues or cells are metabolized at certain span. It is caused by apoptosis in single cell level. Every cell, if it could renew itself, would die after certain times of cell division. It is destined to die in certain time with fixed number of cell division. It brings aging to our body. Consciousness might undergo subtle but steady change of aging. We may die from such aging process while the others may succumb from the external causes like infection. It is important we are programed to death and are living death and life at the same time without being conscious of that.  

Considering of such continuous transition from life to death in us, I have remembered of Toru Takemitsu. He has lived death and life side by side and has told that to Seiji Ozawa at a dialogue with him.

https://nuttycellist-unknown.blogspot.com/2022/02/life-and-death-go-side-by-side.html

We live under an implausible hypothesis that we are continuously existing on the side of life. However, we are living death and life side by side as Takemitsu told. 

Needless to say, that is why we should cherish every moment in our lives. The older I become, the more I am convinced of this fact, even though we often forget of the reality that our life goes death and life side by side.

"Always On The Side Of Egg"

Japanese renowned novelist, Haruki Murakami, has been awarded "Jerusalem Award" in 2009. He has made an impressive acceptance speech titled "Always on the side of egg".

I am deeply moved by his speech and would like to quote it here at this time when a tragedy is going on in Gaza. 

I know some people would insist we should remember what Hamas has done to Israeli people on Oct 7th. Those killed by them and their family members should be always remembered. But, since the Oslo agreement in 1993, as a whole, it was the Paletinine people who suffered from invasion and military attack by Israeli. The side of egg has been on Palestine side. 

Revenge with military power may result in further conflict. The vicious circle will continue endlessly. They should call time on this wrong spiral by any means. 

 

Quote;

 2009　“Jerusalem Prize” Remarks:　

Always On The Side Of Egg

by Haruki Murakami

Good evening. I have come to Jerusalem today as a novelist, which is to say as a professional spinner of lies.

Of course, novelists are not the only ones who tell lies. Politicians do it, too, as we all know. Diplomats and generals tell their own kinds of lies on occasion, as do used car salesmen, butchers and builders. The lies of novelists differ from others, however, in that no one criticizes the novelist as immoral for telling lies. Indeed, the bigger and better his lies and the more ingeniously he creates them, the more he is likely to be praised by the public and the critics. Why should that be?

My answer would be this: namely, that by telling skillful lies--which is to say, by making up fictions that appear to be true--the novelist can bring a truth out to a new place and shine a new light on it. In most cases, it is virtually impossible to grasp a truth in its original form and depict it accurately. This is why we try to grab its tail by luring the truth from its hiding place, transferring it to a fictional location, and replacing it with a fictional form. In order to accomplish this, however, we first have to clarify where the truth-lies within us, within ourselves. This is an important qualification for making up good lies.

Today, however, I have no intention of lying. I will try to be as honest as I can. There are only a few days in the year when I do not engage in telling lies, and today happens to be one of them.

So let me tell you the truth. In Japan a fair number of people advised me not to come here to accept the Jerusalem Prize. Some even warned me they would instigate a boycott of my books if I came. The reason for this, of course, was the fierce fighting that was raging in Gaza. The U.N. reported that more than a thousand people had lost their lives in the blockaded city of Gaza, many of them unarmed citizens--children and old people.

Any number of times after receiving notice of the award, I asked myself whether traveling to Israel at a time like this and accepting a literary prize was the proper thing to do, whether this would create the impression that I supported one side in the conflict, that I endorsed the policies of a nation that chose to unleash its overwhelming military power. Neither, of course, do I wish to see my books subjected to a boycott.

Finally, however, after careful consideration, I made up my mind to come here. One reason for my decision was that all too many people advised me not to do it. Perhaps, like many other novelists, I tend to do the exact opposite of what I am told. If people are telling me-- and especially if they are warning me-- “Don’t go there,” “Don’t do that,” I tend to want to “go there” and “do that”. It’s in my nature, you might say, as a novelist. Novelists are a special breed. They cannot genuinely trust anything they have not seen with their own eyes or touched with their own hands.

And that is why I am here. I chose to come here rather than stay away. I chose to see for myself rather than not to see. I chose to speak to you rather than to say nothing.

Please do allow me to deliver a message, one very personal message. It is something that I always keep in mind while I am writing fiction. I have never gone so far as to write it on a piece of paper and paste it to the wall: rather, it is carved into the wall of my mind, and it goes something like this:

“Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg.”

Yes, no matter how right the wall may be and how wrong the egg, I will stand with the egg. Someone else will have to decide what is right and what is wrong; perhaps time or history will do it. But if there were a novelist who, for whatever reason, wrote works standing with the wall, of what value would such works be?

What is the meaning of this metaphor? In some cases, it is all too simple and clear. Bombers and tanks and rockets and white phosphorus shells are that high wall. The eggs are the unarmed civilians who are crushed and burned and shot by them. This is one meaning of the metaphor.

But this is not all. It carries a deeper meaning. Think of it this way. Each of us is, more or less, an egg. Each of us is a unique, irreplaceable soul enclosed in a fragile shell. This is true of me, and it is true of each of you. And each of us, to a greater or lesser degree, is confronting a high, solid wall. The wall has a name: it is “The System.” The System is supposed to protect us, but sometimes it takes on a life of its own, and then it begins to kill us and cause us to kill others--coldly, efficiently, systematically.

I have only one reason to write novels, and that is to bring the dignity of the individual soul to the surface and shine a light upon it. The purpose of a story is to sound an alarm, to keep a light trained on the System in order to prevent it from tangling our souls in its web and demeaning them. I truly believe it is the novelist’s job to keep trying to clarify the uniqueness of each individual soul by writing stories--stories of life and death, stories of love, stories that make people cry and quake with fear and shake with laughter. This is why we go on, day after day, concocting fictions with utter seriousness.

My father passed away last year at the age of ninety. He was a retired teacher and a part-time Buddhist priest. When he was in graduate school in Kyoto, he was drafted into the army and sent to fight in China. As a child born after the war, I used to see him every morning before breakfast offering up long, deeply-felt prayers at the small Buddhist altar in our house. One time I asked him why he did this, and he told me he was praying for the people who had died in the battlefield. He was praying for all the people who died, he said, both ally and enemy alike. Staring at his back as he knelt at the altar, I seemed to feel the shadow of death hovering around him.

My father died, and with him he took his memories, memories that I can never know. But the presence of death that lurked about him remains in my own memory. It is one of the few things I carry on from him, and one of the most important.

I have only one thing I hope to convey to you today. We are all human beings, individuals transcending nationality and race and religion, and we are all fragile eggs faced with a solid wall called The System. To all appearances, we have no hope of winning. The wall is too high, too strong--and too cold. If we have any hope of victory at all, it will have to come from our believing in the utter uniqueness and irreplaceability of our own and others’ souls and from our believing in the warmth we gain by joining souls together.

Take a moment to think about this. Each of us possesses a tangible, living soul. The System has no such thing. We must not allow the System to exploit us. We must not allow the System to take on a life of its own. The System did not make us: we made the System.

That is all I have to say to you.

I am grateful to have been awarded the Jerusalem Prize. I am grateful that my books are being read by people in many parts of the world. And I would like to express my gratitude to the readers in Israel. You are the biggest reason why I am here. And I hope we are sharing something, something very meaningful. And I am glad to have had the opportunity to speak to you here today. Thank you very much.

QSLs

Still busily sorting out things in the storage shed. A lot of old books or even notebooke I took at the med school. One of them is that for neurological anatomy. The professor wrote fine and beautiful schema of neurologicl anatomy on the board. We, students, were wholeheartedly copy them on own notebook. It was the very first lecture we had at a lecture theater at the faculty. A bit different from expectation for a medicl class. However, we were keeping the note without thinking anything. The notebook clearly reminds me of those days.

One of the big problems in clearing the shelves was what to do with QSL cards in several, even more than ten, cardboard boxes. From all over the world. Unfortunately, I could never remember anyone of the senders. I just remembered of Joe AH2G complaining of a lot of boxful QSL cards. He didn't need any more but had a lot more sent by the bureau without rest. Maybe, most cards were for so called rubber stamps. Since the development of internet has changed the essence of amateur radio, if not all, the QSL card means quite different from pre internet era. 

I decided to discard them all except for several ones. One of the exceptions is the QSL cards from FOC members. In 1988, I could join the club and, for the next several years, I have been quite active talking to the members all over the world. I am not choosing them for the membership but they were almost the only gang I could enjoy chatting those days. This photo shows some of them. There must be others in the other file cases. I could specifically imagine of the operators behind those cards. They are not only verification of QSOs. 

So things are sorted out and I will be more disengaged from the past.

 

Two pamphlets in '70s

As my wife is bringing various things back home, it is causing a domino effect at our home. Arranging old things indoor and at a storage shed outside, which have never been touched for decades, I am finding old memorable things as well. 

This is the pamphlet for the concert of the university orchestra in 1974, which, as mentioned elsewhere, I was a beginner of cello and was not on the stage. I was responsible for recording with a big tape recorder at the recordeing booth in the hall.

As told before, the main program was Brahms' Nr 3 Symphony. It was too exciting performance for me to stay in the booth. In the 4th movement, I quietly got out there and listened to them playing it on a guest seat.

The cover was designed by a good friend of mine, an oboist. I still remember him designing from a photo of previous concert at the dorm room which we shared.

The other pamphlet found this time was that for a concert of h minor Mess by Bach. In the end of 1979, when we were married and started residency at a university hospital here, we were attending that concert as we used to plan before living in that countryside place. It took only an hour and 20 minutes for us to go to the downtown of Tokyo where various concerts had been held. We thought we could go back to Tokyo for concert quite often.

Residency was not so easy going as we expected. It took only short time before we realize that night shifts and house chores kept us too busy to go there.

Looking at this pamphlet, I was surprised to find the conductor was Helmut Rilling. The orchestra and choir were japanese. In the end of year, they perform Beethoven's 9th everywhere. I guess I dared to choose this h minor Mess because of this conductor, who had impressed me a lot with Matthew's Passion in my student days as depicted elsewhere. I have forgotten that completely even though I remembered going to h minor Mess concert those days.  

Both of them were politely put in a file cover and stored again in a book shelf.

Cleaning in domino effect is mostly boring but is sometimes bringing me back to old days in this way.

I should carry it on today.

Before winter comes

It was cooked as cream stew. But hued yellow. The pumpkin, one of the materials, was melted in the soup and was making it colored like this.

The other materials were potatoes and carrots, which were all home grown. There are a lot of pumpkins left in the pantry. I should have grown less considering of its span after harvest. Or I should give more of them to friends. My wife told me to be more discreet to do so. They could reply to it with some gift. I thought those pumpkins would have been welcomed by some of them. I still followed the words of wisdom by my wife.

Anyway, this stew was a success. Before pumpkins get useless, I would try it again. 

The main dish was chicken seasoned with tomato ketchup. Italian parsely was scattered on it. Pretty good. My wife used to cook chicken stewed with tomato when we were young. This tasted the same and brought me back those days when we started honeymoon life at a small resident dormitory. We have had a few friends at our home for dinner. It was one of the routine menu then.

I would plant onion seedlings very soon. Dozens of them. They will be ripened by next spring. Dried onions will last for several months and will be used for various dishes. Together with onion seedlings, spinach, cabbage, chinese cabbage, broccoli and some leaf vegetables are growing right now. After planting onion, my little farm will go into hibernation. 

 

Mugonkan revisited

A couple of days ago, I visited Mugonkan, the Wordless Museum for the Young Painters Killed in WWII, in Nagano. It was the 3rd trip there for me. I have posted the article for each visit in the past. 

 https://nuttycellist-unknown.blogspot.com/search?q=mugonkan

Getting off the highway near the destination, I drove through the rice paddies on a plain area around Chikuma River. Being several miles far from the river, there were pretty high mountains running along it. It is a wide valley along the river. Some trees were changing their colors on the mountains.

It was a plain week day and there were only few visitors at the museum. Very quiet. The entrance has welcomed me as it used to. As told before, it was on a top of a hill surrounded by trees.

A pallet shaped stone monument. Each painter's name was engraved like a big epitaph.

The museum made of exposed concrete. The museum name was engraved on the front wall above the entrance door. It looked like a church on the hill.

From the entrance way, a town and the rice paddies were seen below.

I have long wanted to return here. I would spend more time to look at the paintings and the painters' short biographies listed with them. 

I knew most of the painters had died in 1945 or in the end of the war. It might be because they have been recruited around that time. They could still have survived the war if it was ended earlier. Nearly half of them have died of some illnesses but not of battle. As with the other parts of the war or in the other areas, this means how poor the logistics were then. With better care, they could have lived until the end of the war.

Each work appealed me with quiet but also overwhelming power. The explanation says most of them have not stopped painting until the last moment they should leave home. I wonder what they have done if they could survive it or they were not deplyed for the military service. 

My father used to dream of becoming a painter when he was young, as I heard in my childhood. But, as told elsewhere, he had to spend his precious time of youth in the war. I have been sorting out the books he owned and have found a lot of books regarding the war and the responsibility of the war in addition to those of Christianity. In his elderly days, one of his concerns was surely in that subject. And those young painters are overlapped with my father. It was only a coincidence he could survive and come home later. Those young painters deceased in the war must have produced a lot of more works and contributed to the art in our country.

Likewise, I could not help thinking of young people in Ukraine and Israel/Gaza. They are talented with a lot of things. But they are forced to struggle in the battle. Some of them would die in the war. Their talents and capabilities would never be realized but would be lost forever. Non war or anti war ideas might be regarded powerless or helpless. But it is still a definite idea influencing on the international policy. Without it, the total war could result in total ruin. Really hope those young people could survive and exert their capabilities very soon.

Like the other people of my age, I am apt to have pain in the legs after a long drive. That was the reason why I had not driven up there. I found it worth going there again this time. Listening to Impromptu by Schubert on the way back home, I uttered to myself this could be the last drive trip there. 

Visiting the pages of dead friends in Facebook

As you may know, Facebook provides a community with friends to us. I have 300 friends registered in my account. Some are quite active posting articles or photos while the others are not. Unfortunately, there are friends even passing one after another since I joined Facebook some 10 years or so ago. So far as I could count, 16 of my friends in Facebook have already gone away. 

When each friend's birthday, whether dead or alive, comes on, Facebook tells us to send the greeting for the birthday to him/her. It is the chance for me to visit his/her account. Otherwise, I won't do that so often except for close and active friends. Their pages always tell me how they are doing or how they have lived even if it depicts only small part of them. For those already deceased, it is a proof that they have lived in the world. 

Whenever I visit their pages, I feel so sad to have lost them. However, at the same time, I am also caught in thought that they have lived their lives as much as they could and now are resting in eternal peace. They are now free from any anxieties or pains in life. They have transited through this world to another, which we could never know of. Life in this world lasts only for a while. It is a short lived and frail thing. I may finish this journey soon and may join the phase they went for. Such an idea always relieves me. Whenever some friends or family members die, we wish them rest in peace. That implies that we would follow them and join the state of peace later.  

Even though I am often captured by worries or even anger at something, I feel I am also getting much freer from any duties or responsibilities when I get older, that is, am reaching the goal of the journey.

Visiting those pages of passed friends in Facebook is a kind of visiting their grave. There, I would see them or, at least, remember of them and swear in my heart I would join them not too long from now. 

   

Grilled Eggplants

I cooked grilled eggplants from the last harvest several days ago. Eggplant is a typical summer vegetables here and would grow much slow at present. The fruits would become a bit harder and bear seeds in them. I love this simple but still quite delicious dish so much. It is a reason why I would grow eggplants every summer.

Eggplants are grilled with sesami oil. When they are well cooked, the seasonings are added, like rice vinegar, soy sauce, sugar and a bit of ginger and garlic. 

Eggplants absorb any oil and it tastes sour sweet in the back of seasami oil. It takes only a few minutes to make this dish. My wife is always surprised how fast it is done.  　  

Freshely harvested eggplants are the best material for this recipe. 

And this dish told us summer was gone for now.
 

On the way back home

When I commuted to the office in the city next to ours by car years ago, I always went through rice paddy areas. Very few traffic. Rice was almost all harvested by this time in a year. With the roof window fully opened, I often played a few classical music CDs. One of those was the piano trio in a minor by Ropartz shown with the score below.

I have already written about it in an old post. It was a post 12 years ago.

https://nuttycellist-unknown.blogspot.com/2011/09/fall-has-come-here.html

Several days ago, I went to my wife's office to help her sorting out things there. It was not an easy task. There were a lot of things to be discarded. Having worked there for 26 years, she might find it not be very easy to determine which should be disposed of and, if not disposed, where it should go to.

Worked hard there for a few hours, I dropped by a super market on the way back home to buy some food items for supper. Everything seemed the same as 11 years ago. There was the rice paddy area on the way home. Most rice paddies have already been harvested. An ancient tomb among paddies looked neatly cleaned by someone. This piano trio has rang in my mind at that time.

 

Ropartz piano trio 

https://youtu.be/J13KaJSUJNM?si=JteBVyGZKEdAYN3K

It starts with dark arpeggio by piano. On its background, strings play a theme which sounds as if I were a bird looking down from the sky. It is sometimes interrupted by a motif which may express hesitation or pauses. Again, it is intriguing the music brings me back to those days. The breeze coming in through the roof window and the piled rice plants at some places in the paddies. 

It may take a few more weeks before she finishes all the work at her office. 

Fall Against the wars

As always excusing myself not renewing this blog, I have been kept so busy at the garden/farm. Fall is being deepened for now.

Persimmon is fully ripened. Sadly, we won't eat the fruits so much that birds may share this harvest soon. We enjoy it as a material for fresh salad.

Strange enough, mariegold which had not flowered much in the summer started blooming. It might have been too hot for them to come out this summer. I hear they are suffering from drought, poor crop and wild fire in South America at present, which are quite unusual there at this time in a year. I am afraid every event is due to global warming. Almost falling down on the ground, these mariegold plants seem to flower possibly in order to leave descendants with their seeds. I am relieved to have them seed in time. But it is still worrisome they could die without seeding if we have worse heat wave in the future. It may apply to farming. I often hear the farmers in the southern area could barely grow ordinary summer vegetables this year.  

Anyhow, the harsh summer has almost gone away now. Weeds are growing much slower and insects eating vegetables are not active any longer. Before we get frost maybe in mid December, I will run around busily the farm planting new vegetables and harvesting such as sweet potatoes and potatoes.

 

I am still saddened to hear what is going on in Ukraine and the Middle East. So far as I know, the efforts to ban and criminalize any war in the world after the Napoleonic Wars in the 19th century, which caused casuality of more than a couple of millions. There were Peace Associations being established in various countries. To deny any war, Treaty for the renunciation of war was concluded after the WWI. However, League of Nations has not succeeded in preventing the following unprecedented massacre in WWII. Wondering if those efforts have been meaningless in the modern history. I don't believe in that nihilistic view against its effect.

I have long been believing in the opinion against collective defence which always incite crises around the world. But judgement for the cause of war by International Court of Justice and intermediation for peace by the UN or related institutions should replace the military power balance with collective defence. The present wars in the two areas may refute such an idea, some people may insist. Even with UN mediating peace process, if it involves in any military action, there is still the problem of war as a system left unsolved.

I still believe in pacifism against any war with the international institution. The total war involving nuclear weapon may lead us the ruin of humankind. The ideological trend against war may work in the future. 

Anyway, I wish cease of fire will come in the two areas as soon as possible.