At the age of 75 years, there are a lot of things in the past I should regret or scruple in the relationship with others. Sometimes, it makes me insomniac. Even though I know it is of little sense to recall the past things in that way, it still comes up in my mind. I sometimes wonder if it is a sign of elderly depression. Or is it the consciousness of sin in life?
I could still eat, do daily routine and prepare for things in the future. It seems I don't need to consult to my wife yet. Maybe, it is a critical period for elderly which we should go through at some point of our lives. It is not advisible to do self-justification and deceive myself with it. There is no solution to such a problem. I believe I just accept it as it is and live the rest of my life with introspection after that.
In facebook, there was a thread regarding such a problem. I uttered something like this above mentioned. A comment has been given by an old friends of mine, David, N1EA, a professional radio operator on aboard, as follows;
"My only regret is that on my last sea voyage to Naha, Japan, I didn't try to visit one of the best Morse operators in the world: Dr. Onisawa."
To my mind worn out to the bone, this simple and still warm hearted comment was a real medicine. I was almost shedding tears at his comment. Even though he just told only his regret in his career or just a diplomatic comment for my skill on CW, his words have pnenetrated and warmed deep in my mind.
I think this feeling of scruple may make me more sensitive to the others' pain and let me appreciate deeper such a music as St. Matthew's Passion. And, hopefully, I would be like David who would send such encouraging words to the others even without aiming that.
I only hope to catch David on the air someday and go on chatting as we did in the past, even though I know both of us are not able to operate radio at present. I thank you so much, David.
As we grow older there is more time for introspection and regret, but we should cast all aside and think only of the present. Our state at this moment is a result of all previous actions. It is karma. This has always seemed a paradox. Should suffering be endured as a penance for past unskillful action, or should we view suffering as an illusion and transcend it?
ReplyDeleteFrom a Christian viewpoint the first way is natural, for a Buddhist, the second.
I don't know the answers.I do know that I don't regret visiting Dr. Osinawa in his peaceful house and garden.
From John
ReplyDeleteHi John,
DeleteYes, it was one of the most pleasant and vivid days in my life when you visited here! Thanks for the comment. I know I understand what you say. The problem is that this idea comes on my mind as an idee fixe. It might be a pathological phenomenon and, hopefully, a transient one. Now some religious writings or music like St. Matthews Passion is felt closer to me. It is an advantage with this issue as I wrote in the post.
Take care, my friend.
Shin
David N1EA is correct on Shin JA1NUT being one of the best morse operators in the world. We miss your beautiful fist and wonderful conversations on the air waves. I am retired now and QRV most days.
ReplyDelete73 my friend.
Steve
N6TT
Thanks for the compliment, Steve. Congratulations on retirement. You have yearned for that for years, I know. So stay being a good husband for Linda! When I have less things to do in the farm, I might consider to come back with a smaller set up. We have spent really great time of ham radio and of CW together, my friend. It may not return to us. Quite some of our mutual friends have gone SK. But we still could make it again sometime.
Delete