Learning from a friend's wife passing

Several days ago, a member, W1UU has posted a sad news that the wife of Dave K9FN, Mary, died recently. Several posts expressing sorrow at the news and sympathizing Dave and his family members have followed.

Dave has been a good friend of mine through ham radio for more than a decade. Vic W9RGB used to introduce him to me. Dave has had limitation for the antenna and owns only a flag pole vertical if I am not wrong. Without seeing each other in person, we have talked once or twice in a year. A very pleasant and positive person. Our QSOs should always be not too long due to the conditions. But each of them has been memorable to me.

I have looked up my PC log for record of QSO with him, which told I had last met him this January. I could not remember what we talked then. In the remarks of the log, he told me he and "his wife Mary" were getting along fine.

If I haven't miscopied him then, I wondered what had happened to Mary. She has developed some serious illness or has been on a long lasting down hill with a health issue. I was hesitating to ask about that to him directly. Maybe, some time, I might have a chance to see him and talk about that.

That chance has arrived sooner than I expected. A couple of days ago, he has given me a mail telling he heard me on the air, which was a joy for him, but the poor condition has prevented him from giving me a call. He told me briefly about his wife's passing. He seemed to compensate his loss with ham radio. 

I replied to him with hearty condolences to him and his 3 daughters. And I frankly gave him the inquiry written above. He has quickly given me another mail shown below. 

It was a really touching story to me. We are not immortal. We should get ready for the time of passing. Mary has gone through with it peacefully, even though she and Dave might not have been settled down all the time. Mary and Dave have spent that period in the best way they could. This mail was a real encouragement to me. Recognizing out life is not ever lasting, we should live every moment in the best way. I believe Mary has told us that with her way of living in the very last chapter of her life.  

With Dave's permission, I would quote his mail here.    

 Shin -

Many thanks for your kind words. Mary went down quite quickly. 

On March 8 she had a seizure. She was seated so she did not fall, 

and I was rightthere. That was the first indication that something 

was wrong. A CT scan showed some lesions that looked like cancer. 

An MRI showed about 5 or 6 spots, the largest of which was deep 

within her brain. A biopsy confirmed that it was glioblastoma. 

She had one round of chemotherapy and one round of radiation, she 

also had more seizures. She was hospitalized 5 times within 4 weeks. 

The treatments were very hard on her and led to some internal 

bleeding. The doctors said that if the bleeding did not stop on
its own, surgery was the only hope of saving her, except they felt 

she would not be able to survive the surgery. The bleeding did stop 

and Mary chose to not continue with treatment.

Mary and I are Christian and our strong faith helped us through this
difficult time. Over a period of several weeks we were able to talk 

about some of the great memories we had together, how important family 

and friends were to us, and she encouraged me to stay active on the 

air as she understood how much a part of my life our hobby is. As she 

declined she did not experience pain, but slept more and more frequently.

Of course, I wish we could make more memories together, but the 

memories I do have will be with me for as long as I am still here and 

I cherish them all.

We will work again my friend.

161 de Dave - K9FN