Getting back home from her work a couple of days ago, my wife has come in my room with a pale face. She told me her mother had died at the facility in the noon, where she had been cared for. Due to aspiration. She was 99 years of age and was going to be 100 very soon. It was not unexpected but still sad to us, especially, to my wife.
She has lived hard as a wife as well as a mother after WWII when it was not easy to live on. She had been working as a public servant at a local government office. My wife used to be taken there in her holiday duty and to spend the day playing around the office. I bet raising two daughters was the reasonfor her to live. Two of them have grown to be professionals.
At age 60 years, she retired from work. It won't take her too long to become obliged to care for her mother who suffered from Alzheimer's disease. It was about the time, or a bit later than, when I visited their home for the first time to greet and tell to the parents that I would be engaged with my wife. In that visit, she has prepared for me a local dish of pressed sushi named Oshinuki Sushi featuring spanish mackerel. In the spring, I always remember of that visit and that dish.
In her 80s, she has developed signs of dementia as well. Both parents have decided to go into a caring facility close to the home of the sister in law. I am afraid mother in law has served her mother all day, including night, by herself for a long time, which could cause or, at least, prompt the beginning of the dementia. It has mercilessly progressed with her and she has been bed ridden for the last several years. Father in law had often been at the bed side until he passed last year. No one knows she has percieved his presence there. But most likelily, she must have.
I sure owe much to her and have done very little to her in return for that. I should have visited to her oftener while she was active. The chance is already lost. It might sound like self-justification but a generation may repeat the same thing the last generation. All I should do is to cherish life with my wife and our children.
Mother in law has lived her life for the people around her. Her name, Ai, which stands for love in Japanese, may express it. She with her two daughters in young days. Sorry for the poor quality but the scanner is not working so only a photo of the original one.
Shin. I am very sorry for the loss of your mother-in-law, especially for your wife. I grew up with many aunts and uncles and grandparents and now they are all gone. This is how life works, but that fact doesn't make it any less sad to me. When we were young, Life seemed to give to us at every opportunity. Happiness, joy, more family. But as we have aged it seems to me that Life stops giving and starts taking things away...
ReplyDeleteCondolences to you and your wife at this difficult time. I hope you take some solace from the longevity of her life.
73 de Jeff KE9V
Thanks, Jeff. You are quite right as for life giving us everything and, in the end, taking away all. Everyone lives it in that way. Corpse of weeds make the soil richer for the next generation. Our lives should be like that, I believe. I will pass your thought to my wife. Again thanks for your thoughtful comment.
DeleteIt’s best to remember the happy times when there is a family loss, and encourage our children to be more involved with our family. My sympathy to your wife.
ReplyDeletede Mary G0BQV
Thanks, Mary. Yes, we are talking of the memories with mother in law. I hope my family will do the same thing when we are gone. Take care, my friend.
DeleteIt seems to be a common feeling after the loss of someone close that you should have taken the time be closer when they were alive. I know I certainly felt that after the passing of my parents. We all seem to set our priorities wrong in that regard. We really need to look around us at our aging loved ones and make the effort to spend time with them while they are here. Please pass Wen and my condolences to Chiaki
ReplyDeleteDon, thanks a lot. I agree with you. It seems to generally occur everywhere. For her last several years, it was tough to communicate each other. But I could have held her hand at the bed side, maybe. Things have gone for now. We should go forward like the parents generation have done.
DeleteWhen you make up mind regarding move to anywhere, let me know of that.
Take care, my friend.
Shin
Dear Shin, I echo the comments of Jeff and Don. I will only add my sympathy and note that your statement that "Mother in law has lived her life for the people around her" is perhaps the finest thing one can say about anyone. May she rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteDan
Dan, thanks a lot for your thoughtful and impressive comment. I believe it is not an exaggeration that she has lived that way.
DeleteShin and Family,
ReplyDeleteAi sounds like a remarkable and loving woman. How fortunate you all are to have had her, and her husband, for so many years. I enjoyed reading about her, thank you for sharing. Please pass our sympathies on to your dear wife.
Shelly Z.
Shelly, she has been an ordinary person. But looking back her life, she has lived in a remarkable way, that only few could have. Thanks for your kind comment.
DeleteYes Shin, please extend our sympathies to you dear wife. My mother went through dramatic personality changes as she grew old, and it was very difficult to understand or accept. The advice you have received from other friends I think is right on. You must try to remember her as a younger person. Old age is not kind to any of us. John and Eileen.
ReplyDeleteThanks, John. It sure was tough for me to see her changing her personality. But now, I could accept her life as a whole. Every generation may undergo the same way. I would accept it with composure. No choice. It is a blessing that we could feel stepwise free or distant from the desires in the world. Stay well with Eileen.
DeleteShin: I am sorry for your loss...K1NVY
ReplyDeleteThanks, Fred. Your words sound precious.
DeleteHi Shin. My condolences to you and your wife and family. What an interesting time in history your wife’s mother lived through. She saw so many changes in her century. I hope your memories are a blessing to you. It sounds like your mother in-law lived a fruitful life of meaning.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, Susan D. KD4VXO (daughter of Dave N4DAG)
Thanks a lot for your thoughtful comment. It was not an easy going age she had lived. But she has had own family and raised two daughters and finally cared for her mother with dementia at home for several years. I believe she has lived quite meaningful life. In a couple of days, my wife will finish her career as a psychiatrist. I believe it is the task for me to support her until the end of business in a couple of monthes. A lot of paper work and discarding things at the office etc. I hope you and your family are getting along fine. You don't need say something like daughter of Dave. Your comments have been so impressive I could not forget you. Take care. Shin
DeleteThank you so much, Shin. Your wife will be busy cleaning out papers and remembering her patients. How joyful that she has received gifts of thanks for her dedication.
DeleteI appreciate your kind words! My husband and I are doing well. It has been a very hot summer and finally it is cooling off. Yesterday I took pictures of the pollinators on our flowers, especially the big bumblebees with their legs covered with pollen.
Be well!
Susan in Alabama