Snowfall Depressive state or Preparation for the End of Life

It's been snowy since early this morning. It is not unusual for us to have snowfall this time in a year. Not too chilly with high humidity. 

I still have been plowing the ground and making farm ridges for the vegetables in the upcoming spring and summer. Caring for my bluntly painful back, I stand up on the soil and imagine that there won't be anyone doing with this property in 20 or 30 years. It is most likelily abandoned then. It will return to be a forrest covered with deciduous broadleaf trees as it used to be decades ago before my aunt started the small sanatorium for tuberculosis at this place. The fallen leaves would grow the next generation of lives there. It would be a silent and peaceful place then. 

A good friend of mine in ham radio since '80s has asked me if I was getting depressive when I decided quitting ham radio. Without overt or occult depression, I won't do that with my life long hobby nor even imagine such a thing, he would say. I am still busy preparing meals and doing house chores. Listening to music and reading attract me a lot. Psychological energy is not depleted in my case. I don't believe I suffer from the depression as psychiatry defines. But my friends might be right as for my depressive inclination. Getting older, we should get ready to say farewell to the things in the world or to the world itself. Who could be spared having subtle depression or feeling indifferent to certain things in that circumstance? It is not the depressive state exhausting psychological energy but feeling free from the so called common sense necessary to live in the society and meaningless pursuits for fame, goods or fortunes. I have repeatedly told about this sense in this blog before. I won't rationalize it for myself but aging is such a process of life, I believe, we should go through. 

It might be self-complacent in contemplation but I think composers like Beethoven in their very last part of lives have left works resonant to such an idea. This sonata Nr12 by Beethoven is, I believe, expressing such a world. Not only the content but also the style of this sonata is irregular from the other ones. 

Horszowsky's touch is gentle and beautiful for all notes, nevertheless.